oppression
A Drowning Mind: To have affliction in life, problems, and be unable to get a break; slowly dying.
Been Awhile
So... its been awhile since I have posted. What some juice, know my life?
Well, to sum it up really well... I could use one simple face.
¯\(o_º)/¯
So yeah. . . I have been doing home improvement jobs around the house for my family for like, the last week or two. Installing new windows, landscaping, building flower beds/garden, deck maintance, painting inside the house/kitchen, cleaning up the house, and any other various jobs my parents put me to work doing. Its sorta been hell... But I just see it as, by learning/exercising these trades, I will be able to satisfy my wifes needs and wants, around the house. So *shrug* I guess that is the only reason why I really dont mind doing the work, and not having a job. I mean, sure, I really need money. but I know that I can make it by another year at college on the money I make at my small job there, and the little money I have left in my account.
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Which leads me into something else. Since my senior year at highschool, many a times the thought of enlisting has crossed my mind. To join the army/airforce/Navy to aquire money, to pay my way through college. Right now, my parents pay for the first two years of college. (well, 40k is saved for me, and 40k is saved for my brother, and when its used up, its used up). So in a year, I have a very tough choice to make... I could go away on a 4 year plan to serve my country, or I can take out loans, and worry about paying them off down the road. If I were to enlist, I probably wouldn't be handed a gun, Im almost certain my math/science/computer skills would be put to work. But there is that risk, you know? I think by serving for the four years, returning to college to get my major, I would have matured even more, have finacial abilities, and be more skilled in the area of my chosen work. (space). But on the other hand, loans are common, are possible to pay off, and can speed of my process of life... Getting into a job, finding a wife, having a family. which I would like... which leads me into something else...
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girls... ugh, for fucks sake, girls. Why do I have such problems with them? So im stuck in a knot really... I got a Fortune cookie that read "A old friend is coming back to steel your heart". Funny that I read that, only to have my Ex-Ex girlfriend of mine, to hang out with me that ngiht. So yeah, about her. Gosh, so she probably was the best girlfriend I had. Down to earth, enjoyable, my family loved her, I liked her a lot, and treated me so well.
So we talked that evening, I mentioned the fortune, we laughed, and late in the night, she told me that she didnt want to date me again. If that was saying, no not at this time, or no, not at all again, I dont know. I just know that im still attracted to her, and I miss what we had, A LOT. I guess it comes to me as no shocker, about her not wanting to date me. She has met some terrific people down at her college, including a guy that she is totally happy with, and can see herself marrying down the road, and I know she is having a great time. and im extremely happy for her, but I guess, maybe im just a bit jealous, that well, I still got my hook out at sea, hopeing to catch that fish that is just right for me. And all my ex girlfriends, have well, moved on extremely happy. My last girlfriend, that I had such a horrible break up with. Still hasnt contacted me. I have no idea how long ago it was that I told her I was goign to wait for her to give me the time of day. And well, she still hasnt... I;ve been told by many people, that they all thought I could have done better then her. And well, I guess they are totally right.
***The last girlfriend I had is whom im speaking about now. Previously, was the girlfriend, previous to this one that went so horrible*** Confused? ask me, I will tell you the names...
So yeah, I guess the Ex-Ex girlfriend, im still quite torn over... Yeah, blatenly, I like her. *sigh* and Blatenly, she is still attracted to me, but does not want to date me. Ugh...
Wrapped into this, before I knew of my Ex-Ex girlfriend's feelings, I was getting close with a very heartfilled friend. Unfortunatly for her, she is still in highschool, my little brother likes, her, and my mom told me I couldnt not date her. So, thats that I guess... Im upset about that, but its good that really, right now, im not looking for a girlfriend. Im looking for friends.
But yet another girl, that I have liked on the back burner for awhile, but her liking another guy, just really isnt going to help that one. But atleast I have her still as a great friend of mine, that helped me through a lot, and I know I can always talk to.
Then there is at College... My mom advised me I should find a girlfriend at school. Because well, that is where I spend most of my time, but the problem is. I spent most of my college time, "dating" my girlfriend back at home. So I never went out and met any girls. And the group of guys I hang around with, are just like me, shy and timid around girls anyways. So that doesnt help, you know? So I feel I wasted any opertunities with that sort of field, by hanging onto my girlfriend (who now I think, was seeing someone else while we were dating :-( ) But my dad tells me, that I just need to get out there, and get laid, and all my problems will be over. *sigh* If only it were that easy...
-Matthew R. Voigt "OppressioN"
Well, to sum it up really well... I could use one simple face.
¯\(o_º)/¯
So yeah. . . I have been doing home improvement jobs around the house for my family for like, the last week or two. Installing new windows, landscaping, building flower beds/garden, deck maintance, painting inside the house/kitchen, cleaning up the house, and any other various jobs my parents put me to work doing. Its sorta been hell... But I just see it as, by learning/exercising these trades, I will be able to satisfy my wifes needs and wants, around the house. So *shrug* I guess that is the only reason why I really dont mind doing the work, and not having a job. I mean, sure, I really need money. but I know that I can make it by another year at college on the money I make at my small job there, and the little money I have left in my account.
----------
Which leads me into something else. Since my senior year at highschool, many a times the thought of enlisting has crossed my mind. To join the army/airforce/Navy to aquire money, to pay my way through college. Right now, my parents pay for the first two years of college. (well, 40k is saved for me, and 40k is saved for my brother, and when its used up, its used up). So in a year, I have a very tough choice to make... I could go away on a 4 year plan to serve my country, or I can take out loans, and worry about paying them off down the road. If I were to enlist, I probably wouldn't be handed a gun, Im almost certain my math/science/computer skills would be put to work. But there is that risk, you know? I think by serving for the four years, returning to college to get my major, I would have matured even more, have finacial abilities, and be more skilled in the area of my chosen work. (space). But on the other hand, loans are common, are possible to pay off, and can speed of my process of life... Getting into a job, finding a wife, having a family. which I would like... which leads me into something else...
----------
girls... ugh, for fucks sake, girls. Why do I have such problems with them? So im stuck in a knot really... I got a Fortune cookie that read "A old friend is coming back to steel your heart". Funny that I read that, only to have my Ex-Ex girlfriend of mine, to hang out with me that ngiht. So yeah, about her. Gosh, so she probably was the best girlfriend I had. Down to earth, enjoyable, my family loved her, I liked her a lot, and treated me so well.
So we talked that evening, I mentioned the fortune, we laughed, and late in the night, she told me that she didnt want to date me again. If that was saying, no not at this time, or no, not at all again, I dont know. I just know that im still attracted to her, and I miss what we had, A LOT. I guess it comes to me as no shocker, about her not wanting to date me. She has met some terrific people down at her college, including a guy that she is totally happy with, and can see herself marrying down the road, and I know she is having a great time. and im extremely happy for her, but I guess, maybe im just a bit jealous, that well, I still got my hook out at sea, hopeing to catch that fish that is just right for me. And all my ex girlfriends, have well, moved on extremely happy. My last girlfriend, that I had such a horrible break up with. Still hasnt contacted me. I have no idea how long ago it was that I told her I was goign to wait for her to give me the time of day. And well, she still hasnt... I;ve been told by many people, that they all thought I could have done better then her. And well, I guess they are totally right.
***The last girlfriend I had is whom im speaking about now. Previously, was the girlfriend, previous to this one that went so horrible*** Confused? ask me, I will tell you the names...
So yeah, I guess the Ex-Ex girlfriend, im still quite torn over... Yeah, blatenly, I like her. *sigh* and Blatenly, she is still attracted to me, but does not want to date me. Ugh...
Wrapped into this, before I knew of my Ex-Ex girlfriend's feelings, I was getting close with a very heartfilled friend. Unfortunatly for her, she is still in highschool, my little brother likes, her, and my mom told me I couldnt not date her. So, thats that I guess... Im upset about that, but its good that really, right now, im not looking for a girlfriend. Im looking for friends.
But yet another girl, that I have liked on the back burner for awhile, but her liking another guy, just really isnt going to help that one. But atleast I have her still as a great friend of mine, that helped me through a lot, and I know I can always talk to.
Then there is at College... My mom advised me I should find a girlfriend at school. Because well, that is where I spend most of my time, but the problem is. I spent most of my college time, "dating" my girlfriend back at home. So I never went out and met any girls. And the group of guys I hang around with, are just like me, shy and timid around girls anyways. So that doesnt help, you know? So I feel I wasted any opertunities with that sort of field, by hanging onto my girlfriend (who now I think, was seeing someone else while we were dating :-( ) But my dad tells me, that I just need to get out there, and get laid, and all my problems will be over. *sigh* If only it were that easy...
-Matthew R. Voigt "OppressioN"
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