oppression
A Drowning Mind: To have affliction in life, problems, and be unable to get a break; slowly dying.
Who knows
Well, I have no clue, but I think I did the right thing last night. So do a few other people, atleast agree with me that I needed to snap. I've been just so wound up lately, I needed to burst. Sadely, all over her AIM away message because she was over at that other guys house again.
I deleted her from my AIM buddy list, so I have no clue when she got home again, im just going to assume late.
But she did write me back in the morning, but nothing how I excepted to have been woken up in the morning, basically told me off in the fact that nothing of the sort happened. Except it did to my eyes.
So I wrote back, cleared a bit more out of my head in the sense that I told her "You dumped me, im sick of trying to make this 'we will still be friends' 'we will still talk' stuff work. I concluded with a few friends of mine: She dumped me, she wanted end something, its not my responsibility at all to keep things going. And im not the only person to think this, 4 of my friends that I talked to, all said the same thing...
Ohh yeah... and apparently she does read this, but im not so sure she really will much anymore as I fade out of her life, because basically, she doesnt have time for me anymore. Sorta part of the problem towards the end of our relationship. I mean, it was long distance, with school, so im sorry, I just cant stay up to 2-4am every morning waiting for her to come back home from the other guy's house so we can talk. Im not rich, phone cards run out fast, I dont have a cell phone, she does, with free night minutes. Why she never would call me after she got off work - and be like "hey whats up" etc. I dont know, I made the arguement about the whole best friend thing. Okay yeah, I understand how you can have more then one and all. But lets face it, you have one for certain things, and I know for a fact, for the last 2 months for sure, I was not the person she went to anymore about stuff, and I think it sort of made her grow away from me. Of course im going to get upset over this, which might have helped this tumble all down. But I expressed all my problems and all about it, but nothing changed.
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what bugs me a bit is, I made myself dislike a best friend from highschool, because she didnt like her. This best friend of mine, is a touching person, so I understood and all, hugging and such can cross the line. So I got it to stop, and eventually, to prove to my ex, I had to dislike this old best friend. I lost a lot of ground in that friendship. But I unfortunatly, changed for her, and now when it happens the other way around, to what I see as even more extreme. (I didnt stay over at her house to 3am, infact, ive been to her house once in my whole life), we did hug, but like I said, we stopped it, I used to talk to her about a lot of stuff, once again, I stopped it by basically... hating her.. (but I thought she hated me too, for dating my Ex), I never expressed the fact that I thought about dating her... I did in the past.. Past as in 10th grade-ish time. But not during our relationship. Okay, enough of this rambling, what im saying is, What the Fuck? I feel I gave a lot up, only for it all to just turn to shit, because the rules apply differently? Am I just getting this all bundled up wrong or something? She tells me the dont hug, there was only one instance when he hugged her while laying in his bed, and he told her something around the lines of, "how he would always be there for her, and he has liked her for so long, and she can always come to him". All I know is.. CHances are, I wont hear from her at all for probably another two weeks... Since i've decided to wait for her until she has the time for me. Instead of me wasting time on something that wont waste time on me.
------
okay... so, im 6 hours away, this suddenly change everything?
I suppose im fairly bias against him, because he would talk about how he was going to steal her away from me, and how he hated me because I was dating her. So, maybe im just getting my own dish of deservance...
-------
well...... I need to relieve some more stress... I think either A: workout/run B: Raquetball C: Rollerblading - hard/fast pace...
-Matthew R. Voigt "OppressioN"
I deleted her from my AIM buddy list, so I have no clue when she got home again, im just going to assume late.
But she did write me back in the morning, but nothing how I excepted to have been woken up in the morning, basically told me off in the fact that nothing of the sort happened. Except it did to my eyes.
So I wrote back, cleared a bit more out of my head in the sense that I told her "You dumped me, im sick of trying to make this 'we will still be friends' 'we will still talk' stuff work. I concluded with a few friends of mine: She dumped me, she wanted end something, its not my responsibility at all to keep things going. And im not the only person to think this, 4 of my friends that I talked to, all said the same thing...
Ohh yeah... and apparently she does read this, but im not so sure she really will much anymore as I fade out of her life, because basically, she doesnt have time for me anymore. Sorta part of the problem towards the end of our relationship. I mean, it was long distance, with school, so im sorry, I just cant stay up to 2-4am every morning waiting for her to come back home from the other guy's house so we can talk. Im not rich, phone cards run out fast, I dont have a cell phone, she does, with free night minutes. Why she never would call me after she got off work - and be like "hey whats up" etc. I dont know, I made the arguement about the whole best friend thing. Okay yeah, I understand how you can have more then one and all. But lets face it, you have one for certain things, and I know for a fact, for the last 2 months for sure, I was not the person she went to anymore about stuff, and I think it sort of made her grow away from me. Of course im going to get upset over this, which might have helped this tumble all down. But I expressed all my problems and all about it, but nothing changed.
-------
what bugs me a bit is, I made myself dislike a best friend from highschool, because she didnt like her. This best friend of mine, is a touching person, so I understood and all, hugging and such can cross the line. So I got it to stop, and eventually, to prove to my ex, I had to dislike this old best friend. I lost a lot of ground in that friendship. But I unfortunatly, changed for her, and now when it happens the other way around, to what I see as even more extreme. (I didnt stay over at her house to 3am, infact, ive been to her house once in my whole life), we did hug, but like I said, we stopped it, I used to talk to her about a lot of stuff, once again, I stopped it by basically... hating her.. (but I thought she hated me too, for dating my Ex), I never expressed the fact that I thought about dating her... I did in the past.. Past as in 10th grade-ish time. But not during our relationship. Okay, enough of this rambling, what im saying is, What the Fuck? I feel I gave a lot up, only for it all to just turn to shit, because the rules apply differently? Am I just getting this all bundled up wrong or something? She tells me the dont hug, there was only one instance when he hugged her while laying in his bed, and he told her something around the lines of, "how he would always be there for her, and he has liked her for so long, and she can always come to him". All I know is.. CHances are, I wont hear from her at all for probably another two weeks... Since i've decided to wait for her until she has the time for me. Instead of me wasting time on something that wont waste time on me.
------
okay... so, im 6 hours away, this suddenly change everything?
I suppose im fairly bias against him, because he would talk about how he was going to steal her away from me, and how he hated me because I was dating her. So, maybe im just getting my own dish of deservance...
-------
well...... I need to relieve some more stress... I think either A: workout/run B: Raquetball C: Rollerblading - hard/fast pace...
-Matthew R. Voigt "OppressioN"
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